I am at a strange place in my life. I am content, but not really happy. I love my family, my life and my kids. I am grateful beyond words at the blessings that are mine, but I feel I am missing something. I need a hobby. I need something that is totally mine and not an offshoot of my family. I want to find something that excites me and fills me with joy, but I am not sure what that is going to look like.
I know that it can't be something overly expensive because I have a hard time justifying spending money on myself and would use that as an excuse not to continue or explore an idea. I have sedentary loves already; reading and writing, so I want something that isn't exactly rigorous, but requires movement and interaction with the world.
I am thinking about photography. Perhaps taking a class and learning more about composition and different styles. Digital camera's have made it less expensive and I already own a great camera. I also haven't explored all of it's options and possibilities.
Another thought is art....I would love to be artistic in a way that is creative and also creates something, but I am not not artistic in the traditional sense. I am drawn to art, but I don't know that I would actually like trying to create it. I don't want to just be busy, but filled with joy at the idea of it.
I keep trying to think of the times in my life or the places where I am the happiest. I am happy coaching the kids, but that isn't a hobby, and is still a reflection of my family and not me. I like education and curiosity, but even that feels more like a family extension. Other than the things I love with my family, I am most joyous and peaceful on the water. I love being out on the boat, but I can't rely on that since we don't own a boat anymore, and I don't want to use others. Although I could learn how to sail. But I am guessing that isn't inexpensive. We could get a boat or jet ski but that is only an option for the summer.
I like being outside, but I am not athletic, so I don't want to join team sports or anything competitive. I like instant gratification, like almost everyone and I am not detailed oriented. I thought about gardening, but that produces results by the season, and easily could become a chore instead of a joy.
I have discovered that I like the knitting I am doing with hoops, but I couldn't figure out how to knit by reading about it, so perhaps I should take a class. That meets most of my criteria but seems more like busy work than a hobby. Does anyone actually get excited to get out of bed in the morning by knitting? I doubt it.
So that is where I am right now. I want to find something that is mine and is fun, and I am not sure where this journey will lead. But I am curious to find out.
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